Birth date: Oct 16, 1929 Death date: Mar 22, 2021
Obituary for Durga Dhar It is with profound sadness that we announce the passing of Durga Dhar. On Monday, 3/22/2021, Mrs. Dhar quietly slipped away from her earthly bonds and gently entered into eternal rest. She was 91. She wil Read Obituary
Namaskar 🙏
From what I have heard from my mom (Dolly) about Dura Ji, she was a wonderful person and had a lot of love for everyone. I am sure wherever she is today, she is spreading her joy and care. We want to express our condolences and let you know that our thoughts are with you. May peace and comfort find you during this difficult time.
Sending love,
Nitish & Gunjan
Younger son & daughter-in-law of Dolly (Kalpana Dhar)
Namaskar Maharah!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
We are truly sorry for your loss. We would like to offer you and your family our deepest and most sincere condolences. May her soul rest in peace.. Sending prayers 🙏🏻🙏🏻
From,
Chitresh and Vipassa
Son and daughter in law of Kalpana Dhar(Dolly)
Rani Babhi (as Behenji, Jeeji & I used to call Dura Mami) passed away as peacefully as she lived her life-despite all the ups & downs that life threw at her & Boitoth. I tried hard to recollect a moment of irritation, anger or frustration that I had seen on her face but couldn’t. Those that I recollected too had her face smiling.
Muni (Veena Ambardar) & Anjali have already written about the karmayogin qualities of Rani Babhi. I can only second that strongly & marvel at the love, affection, willingness to take responsibility for a stream of their nephews & nieces through the years, besides their own children- Baisaheb (Hiralal Fotedar), Behenji, Jeeji, me, Kaki, Pappu (Kiran Razdan), Babloo & Anjali, besides others from Tiku’s & perhaps other families too!
My Mom had a special fondness for Rani Babhi. She used to relate to us when we were young, how Rani Babhi coming from an urban “खांदन्य” Wali family where she was brought up “बड़े नाज़ों से” made the transition so smoothly to the rural Dhar household in Vicharnag where her role included tending to the cows, milking them, making cow dung cakes, overseeing the large vegetable gardens besides cooking & other household chores. In later years, she had to tend to our ailing nani-Kakni-for several years.
The problem about such pleasant personalities who handle the different swings of life with equanimity is that you can’t recollect any dramatic behavior of theirs from the past. But that is the beauty of their life’s journey. And in that, Rani Babhi leaves behind a lesson & an example for all of us to emulate. Om Shanti! May Rani Babhi’s soul rest in peace in the other world. 🙏
Surender Gagroo
PART III
Dura and Baitot did spend time with us in Houston when they had come to visit one of Dura Mami’s malyun ( her mother side people ) side relatives in Houston. Both Om Ji and myself were recollecting that one week of theirs with us. Dura cooked and cooked and cooked, and we ate so much of good food that one week. It was more than 20 years ago or so.
In India, I could not cross the distance between Kashmir and Delhi to know Dura Mami at a closer range, and in America, I could not cross the distance between San Francisco and Houston to get to know Dura Mami at a closer level, but as I said, some people we don’t need to get to know in person necessarily- like Dura Bhabi, other such person was Guva Maasi for me.
For a long long time Dura Mami used to call me in America, every year on my Kashmiri Birthday, which falls on Jeyth Atham, during the years, when I hardly realized the importance of this pious day in KP community. After the tragedy, she stopped calling me, and who could have blamed her, she lost her first born. Unthinkable for a parent.
Dura Mami swallowed all the sadness in her life, like an ocean swallows a sinking ship and on the surface, months later, one cannot even imagine looking at the calm surface of the ocean, that what lies buried in the chest of the ocean. What a strong lady she was, and will always stay like that with us in our memories.
When Bhabhi ( of Lal Saab ) left for heaven, we formed this CoolCousin, a brainchild of Kaku and Urmil, which later on was carried on by Billoo, Kaku, Baby and Urmil’s posts, and mine teeka-tippani, and Guggi’s valuable comments. It was an attempt of Lal Saab, through Bhabhi to reunite us all Cousins. Do we realize we are in our fifth year now on CoolCousins. Amazing.
Today, with Dura Mami’s voyage to heaven, let God give us some other way to extend this unity, or start on some other branch or task of some kind that was dear to Dura Mami. The challenge is open to all of us, see if we can come up with some thing.
Despite the fact, knowing very well, that Dura Mami lived her life to the fullest, and left without much of the physical pain, her departure seems to have left such a major void in my heart, what it must be doing to her own husband and close family of children and grand children.
But Dura Mami is at ultimate peace today- she is finally meeting her son Bhai Ji. When a glimpse of Bhai Ji came in one of the pictures today in the film, I broke down again, Bhai Ji, whenever he would come to Houston on a business trip, always used to visit me and Om Ji and our kids, and we used to appreciate it lots. With that documentary, I went back again to the Vecharnaag trip of ours of 1959. Oh well. Bhai Ji must have been 13 or 14 years old, and I have so many stories of that trip to share those happened with all the cousins that year. Some other time though.
In today’s eulogies, Nana Ji’s was the most informative. I got to know so much about Dura Mami through that eulogy, except, the audio was not audible. Wish we could get a copy of audio that is audible or hand written notes of Nana Ji. How little I know of my aunts.
Each and every uncle and aunt both from my father’s side and my mother’s side had influenced us four siblings’ upbringing or later years of our lives, but Baitot and Dura impacted our lives a bit more, directly or indirectly, and for that we all four siblings are utterly thankful.
We all pray to God to give Dura Mami’s family strength to bear her loss.
Dura Mami you are always going to stay in our memories for ever. RIP. 🙏🙏”
Munni, Kaku, Babbloo and Tittoo and our families.
March 30, 2021
PART II
One distinct memory of Dura Mami of those days, I remember as a child, I used to love her hair style, the way she used to make two puffs of her hair locks on both sides of her two temples and she used to tuck those puffs with hair pins in the back- her hair was always beautifully tucked in those two puffs, and I remember seeing that hair style of hers for a long long time, for many years. It definitely had made an impression on my mind as a child, that almost after 40-50 years, I still have some recollection of that. Her face always had the softness of youth, even during her 50s, 60s or even in her 80s.
Most of you on this page have had far more interaction with Dura Mami than I have had, mainly because Baitot, unlike his brothers and sisters, stayed put in Kashmir, and that gave a child like me, who was already reserved kind, and books were my world, very little time to get to know Dura Mami. Despite that today’s ceremony flashed back 60 years of me getting to know Dura Mami, though in person, very few occasions, but in concept through my mom plenty or down the years when I came of age and realizing how many sacrifices both Dura Mami and Baitot made for their nephews and nieces. My mom, though loved all of her brothers and sisters dearly, had always more kind words towards Baitot and Dura for their caring heart for others. Mother will always say, Baitot chu dil dyun vol, ( meaning Baitot cares a lot for his siblings and their kids. ) Down the years, I did thank Dura Mami in person, that how much she took upon herself, looking after all her nieces, and that it was commendable on her part. Then she opened up and started to tell me that her house was like a girls’ hostel those days and she started to laugh, recollecting how much water had to be heated on the stove or whatever their means of heating were, for so many “janana heads.” And she used to chuckle recollecting those days, and not show the slightest frown. Who undertakes that kind of responsibility, that too of so many young girls, not only of their upkeep, but also to make sure they are studying well.
I watched the ceremony with Om Ji, all the way through the end. That gave me an avenue to share my thought process and my grief with Om Ji, as and when I was recollecting the yester era of my mom and her Bhabhis and brothers, past and present ones. Though I didn’t have very many tangible practical times that I met with Dura Bhabhi, but both Dura and Baitot are supposed to be part of our souls, that is how much my mother used to talk about both of them. My mom really longed for Baitot a lot- could be because he was separated from her by distance because he decided not to leave Kashmir for Delhi. Later Baitot decided to leave for USA, my mom was devastated, the same way when Lal Saab decided to leave for Middle East with his son and family. My mom’s elder brothers were father figure to her.
Continued/ ... PART III
The web streaming of the ceremonies yesterday for our beloved Dura Mami ( Dura Aunt ) - Mrs Durga Dhar, was very emotional, at the same time soothing. I posted the following thoughts on “CoolCousins” Page that flashed through my mind while attending the last ceremonies virtually. Nana Ji - Vijay Dhar, Dura Mami’s son, suggested that I post these thoughts on Obituary page of Dura Mami, as there are some stories here embedded, further reflect on who Dura Mami was. Since my post is long, I have divided it into three parts:
PART I
PART II
PART III
That post is coming next in THREE PARTS:
PART I:
“DURA MAMI REST IN PEACE. YOU ARE TODAY IN HEAVEN WITH BHAI JI.
From a distance, relatives stay like a concept in your mind. But today when I started the streaming of beloved Dura Mami’s last ceremonies being performed in Union City, near San Francisco, on my IPhone, sitting here in Houston, and saw her there one last time, the tears started to roll down my eyes so easily, as if it was the passage of my own mother once again from this earth. I had thought that it would be a somber ceremony which it was, yet I was surprised, how emotional I became at times, wishing I had received one more hug from Dura Mami, had watched her ear to ear smile one more time and seen the gaze of her eyes looking at you through those thick eye glasses.
In fact, I had also insisted Nana Ji, please have this streaming arranged and he promised that he would do it, and had said, that all young technocrats in the family were working on it. Though it was painful to watch, but it gave us all, who could not visit, a calming closure. And thanks for that.
My first memory of knowing Dura Mami and Baitot and Bhai Ji and Nana Ji and Sarla go back to the year when we as kids went to Srinagar from Delhi to attend Momtot’s wedding. Year must have been 1959, and I was 9 years old. Tittoo was just born. My mom took us all four children of hers: myself, Kaku 5 years old, Babbloo ( barely one year old,) and Tittoo was still kind of an infant, few months old, to Srinagar to attend the wedding of dear Momtot. Though it was Dura Mami’s domain in Vycharnaag, my memories did not register her presence then as much as I did when I used to see her, during my later trips to Srinagar with my parents, again as a child, in her beautiful 3-4 story tall, 25 Balgarden house of hers. Though she was the queen of the house, but my memories of her were that of a poised and dexterous lady always at work, like all Kashmiri women of her generations then were- the ones I had seen, my mother and Guva Maasi. I was myself a very reserved child then, so did not galavant a lot, but I remember my mother, and Dura Mami/ Bhabhi and couple of other ladies used to take big Chilamcheese ( kind of flattened portable small tubs ) to the Aangan of the Balgarden home on the ground floor and all these women were washing the clothes in those chilamcheese. It was fun to watch them from 2nd or 3rd story of the house- these women seem to have time of their lives- they didn’t seem the slightest stressed of the tedious job of doing laundry by hand; instead they were gossiping and laughing, wiping their glasses of the soap suds flying in the air, and somehow those clothes were also getting washed. It was a “mahila mandlee” laundromat, a scene worth watching.
Continued /... PART II.
I am Dolly and I am sure all of you there know the state of my heart in this hour of grief and sorrow. I can never ever forget Dura mami as she was a complete embodiment of love affection and a marvelous approach to keeping relationships intact.
I saw the Pooja on the website you created for funeral and service. It was so touching and the atmosphere that prevailed during the Pooja is bound to keep her soul in a state of peace.
A big void is created by
.her death which is very hard to fill
Though it is a big loss to all of us but what is destined is bound to happen. So in this hour of grief I express my deepest condolences.
Vaikunthas menz aasinas jaie.
Om Shanti 🕉️
Regards
Dolly
I am Manmohan Dhar Dolly's husband and I send my deepest condolences to the bereaved family to bear this irreparable loss . I have heard a lot about Durga ji through my wife Kalpana ( Dolly) who used to relate a number of memories she had with Dura Mami.
In fact my wife has a tremendous regard for all of you and believe me she felt so sad on hearing about the demise of Durga ji.
May Almighty Lord keep the departed soul in his proper care in Vaikunth.
All we can pray for is courage and strength to all of you in this hour of grief and sorrow.
Last but not the least our floral tributes to the great soul. 💐💐💐💐💐 We will definitely miss her a lot.
Vaishna Bhavnas aasinas jaiye.
Om Shanti Om.
Namaskar 🙏
We are deeply saddened by the loss of Bhainseb. She was truely a blessing in our lives. We will miss her always in the years to come. Her loving memories right from our childhood days of her compassion, love,and support throughout has been the greatest asset to us. Bainseb will be terribly missed and her love will be cherished in our memories forever.
She was the most precious soul .No one and nothing can fill the void created in our lives by her loss..We were fortunate to have her darshan lately in California and those memories of her will always be close to our heart ! She was the greatest Karmyogi and her life was a true reflection of the greatest principle of life which is to “ love all and serve all”.
Our heartfelt condolences for the immense loss.May god almighty rest her noble and holy soul in peace !!
Om Shanti! Om Shanti! Om Shanti
Anjana , Bayaji, Shailja (Kachroo’s)
